So my yoga class this morning was very interesting. I started off strong, feeling positive, breathing... and then my thoughts started to wonder away from me, I focused less on my breathing and I struggled. Negative thoughts started to take over and I started to feel over it. I was thinking I couldn't wait for the hour to be over so I could get out of there!
During the warm down, during that 10 minutes of being talked through relaxing my body, my mind and my soul, my breath returned to me and my mind stilled of any negative thoughts. I heard my voice tell me "You are in control". It came out of nowhere, and came just as I needed it. Its like my eyes opened for the first time in months, I could finally see clearly.
I've been struggling to write for a while now. Im constantly starting and stopping half way because it didn't feel right.
You are in control.
4 powerful words.
Four words that have changed me so quickly. I am in control of my life. I've been on a destructive path and have been blaming so many outside factors that I didn't bother to look within and see that I was the one who was allowing it to happen. Ive been eating poor, my exercise is non-existent, I've been going out too much, drinking too much alcohol too often, neglecting my career and ignoring my spiritual practise.
I surrounded myself with so many people thinking that quantity is more important. I lost myself in the last 3 months. I gave so much of my energy that I didn't have any left for myself. Without having any energy for myself I forgot about quality. I forgot about how it made me feel to be in my own company. I was making so many bad choices that I didn't want to be in my own company because I felt shame and guilt over what I was allowing to happen. I kept pushing myself away, when what I needed more that anything was to come back to myself and just listen. To reconnect to my spirit.
It's so important to recognise these stages in our lives, and not ignore them because we are afraid to feel our emotions. We shouldn't only recognise our happy and positive emotions. We should also recognise our sad and negative emotions. When we recognise and accept the sad and negative emotions that's when we can truly accept what is happening and take the necessary steps to learn, change and grow.
Next time you start to feel sad, shame, guilt, anxiety, anger, embarrassment, loneliness or defeated, stop to breathe. Write down the emotion that you are feeling, write down what happened to make you feel that way, write down what you could do differently next time you are in the same or similar situation. You will be surprised how much writing it down can help you learn and let go.
There is only one thing I want to say to myself now - "Welcome back Milena! I love you, you are amazing, keep moving forward!"
Special shout out to The Collaborative Maroubra. So happy I found you!